


Fizzy

by amanda_jolene



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Friendship, Gen, mention of drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 19:56:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1995831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amanda_jolene/pseuds/amanda_jolene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little one-shot about the friendship between Finn and Izzy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fizzy

The room is spinning. 

She thinks that maybe she shouldn’t have taken the pills Kendo offered her but she had popped them carelessly into her mouth even though the smile he had given her before the pills had touched her tongue had unfurled some unsettled feeling deep in the pit of her stomach. But it was too late to think about all of that. 

She just wanted to belong to herself. To make a decision that revolved exclusively around what she wanted and how she felt. Everyone else did. Wasn’t she entitled to the same? She had spent her life following her parents orders don’t hang out with those people, don’t wear that dress, take these classes, smile this way, cross your ankles. The gang had been her secret because she was supposed to be at the library, not the pub. Supposed to be having tea with her grandmother, not on the back of Chop’s scooter. The gang was supposed to be her freedom and then Chloe had started coming around and suddenly it was boys don’t like this and boys don’t like that and are you sure that color goes with your hair?

She lost herself in Chloe because before she realized that Chloe was just making things up as she went, she thought that maybe Chloe was what she wanted to be. Maybe life wasn’t about freedom, maybe life was about finding a boy to hold you and love you. So she follows Chloe around and believes the shit until one night she watches Chloe get passed back and forth between a few boys, a look of bravado on her face that looks like a woman claiming her sexuality until Izzy finds her in the bathroom crying and whispering “Why do I keep doing this?” 

She wants to be like Rae and she tells Rae this one night when she’s had too much to drink and Rae gives her a sad smile. “You don’t want to be me like me. Be like you.” 

It’s a puzzling thought. Who is she? Who is she under all of the layers of her parents and Chloe and teen magazines and bullshit rules? It’s a scary thing, being 16 and not sure who you are. Only knowing your name but not knowing the secrets your soul is harboring. So she starts to dig. It’s a long and fruitless process for so long that she thinks about quitting. But then one night she realizes she owns a whole lot of pink clothes and she really hates the color pink. She pulls out all the pink sweaters and shirts and shorts and stares at them for a long time, touching them softly until she decides that these belong to Izzy but not to her.

The next night they’re at a party and she takes a pill from Archie and Chop is in her face you don’t take pills you’re different you don’t-

“How do you know who I am? I don’t even know who I am!” She shoves him back and he stumbles and the look on his face tells her that she’s lost to him (even if it’s just for the night) and she likes it. She likes being new and nameless and faceless. She could be whoever she wanted and tonight she’s just Free. 

Kendo approaches her and smiles. “Don’t I know you?” 

“No,” she tells him harshly. He doesn’t know her. He kissed her at a party when she really didn’t want him, too. 

“Maybe I should get to know you, then.” And he hands her a pill and she takes it because her head isn’t on straight. 

She looks him dead in the eye and says, “Maybe not.” 

The room is spinning a few minutes later and her legs feel like their collapsing. She’s got the feeling she’s being trailed and then she’s on her knees, vomiting in the grass and there’s some scuffling behind her (“I got her” “The fuck you do. Fuck off”) and then someone has her hair. When she’s done vomiting she tries to lean up but her body feels limp and whoever had her hair, wraps an arm around her stomach and pulls her up. “Better?” 

“No,” she feels lifeless, her arms dangling. 

They drag her to a patio chair and set her down. It’s Finn and he’s brow is furrowed as he looks her over. “What’d you take?” 

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? You take something from Kendo?” 

“And Archie.” 

He’s shaking his head like he’s disappointed in her and she’s mad again. “Shut up! I’m so tired of people acting like I…” she bites her bottom lip, eyes snapping shut to keep from crying. 

Finn’s quiet and unsure of what to say. He’s used to Rae getting mad, even Chloe, but not Izzy. “Acting like what?” 

“I’m not everyone’s kid sister, Finn. I’m not a dress up doll for Chloe or a redo for my parents. I just want… to find out who I am without everyone in my ear telling me who they think I should be. Because sometimes… I think my soul’s trying to sing to me but it’s getting drowned out. Does that make sense?” 

He nods because he gets it. There’s pressure when everyone is looking at you and expecting you to act a certain way. Sometimes you sacrifice things you love, mostly yourself, to keep up appearances and it’s a hard fall when you realize that you don’t know your own skin or your own mind. 

She’s gone after that. Passed out from whatever Kendo gave her (or maybe it was a combination of what Archie gave her and the booze) so Finn covers her with his jacket and sits out there. Rae check on them once and decides to go find Chloe (maybe the 3 of them can get her in car without anyone noticing). 

Chop comes out and does a double take. “The fuck happened?” 

Finn shrugs. “I dunno. Just gotta make sure she’s ok.” 

“I told her not to take those fucking pills and she wouldn’t listen.”

They’re silent for a time, Chop pulling up a chair and shaking his head. 

“You don’t get to tell her what to do.” 

Chop’s head pops up. “What?” 

“You aren’t her owner, Chop. You’re her boyfriend and she’s trying to figure out how to be herself and you and everyone else just needs to back off a step.” 

“I’m only trying to protect her! Look at her! She didn’t listen and this is how she ends up!” 

“Right, but if you weren’t in her face yelling about how taking pills isn’t her maybe she wouldn’t have felt like she had to take them. Best to let her sort through her own feelings instead of pushing yours on to her. “ 

“She tell you that?” 

“Sort of.” 

Chop struggles with himself. He’s not jealous because Finn loves Rae and Izzy loves him (at least, he hopes she does). “Why doesn’t she tell me these things?” 

Finn shrugs. “Coulda been the pills talking. Coulda been cause I don’t tell her who I think she is. I dunno but you should probably figure that out and fix it.” 

(And Chop is scared that the new Izzy won’t love him but when she figures out who she is under the layers, he finds out that part of her soul’s song was dedicated to him).


End file.
